5 Reasons The Wii Gives Me The Shits:

Top 5 Reasons The Wii Gives Me The Shits:

1) Overly Worthless Controllers:

Let's face it, the controllers on the wii system are total bullshit! I shouldn't even have to clarify that statement with an example, but because their are millions of fan boys all up-in-arms right now after having read that, I guess that I'll have too.

We should start with the wiimote itself; talk about a clunky piece of ass. I have zero clue why anyone would feel the need to market such a prehistoric piece of plastic fuck for. I get that it's Japanese based and the Japanese people all have hands the size ladle-nits, but lets face facts folks, the button lay out is really horrid. REALLY? Have the people that support the wiimote actually tried to play Zelda: Twilight Princess, or Metroid Prime 3 with it? Thumbs just are not meant to move that way, going from the D-Pad all the way down to buttons 1 and 2, just is not practical. How can anyone with more than 2 active brain cells say that it's an ideal set up? Trust me, it is not!

Now, let's move on to the classic controller... The fact that it's not wireless should be enough to make anyone shit themselves sideways, but what in the blue hell was the thinking behind making the classic controller plug into the back of the wiimote for!? Holy Hell, are you kidding me?! Why would anyone want to anchor down their controller while they are paying, might as well strap a fucking brick to it as well...come on, talk about "design flaw!" I'll just end this by saying that it is a very awkward controller both physically and technologically, and simply leave it at that.

2) Really Annoying Advertising:

You have two Japanese guys showing up at your door, bowing and saying, "Wii Would Like To Play," now are the asking or telling; either way, they have 30 seconds to get off my lawn before I unleash the hounds and call the cops!

The worst advertising comes in the way of watching a bunch of assholes hunkered down in their living rooms, all with shit-faced-grins, trying to make me believe they are having a blast. I'm sure they are having a wonderful time, but try and convince me that a pay check had nothing at all to do with it. Let's be honest, in one ad, there is this overly hot blonde who is wearing pants so tight that they make her ass squeak when she walks. I'm supposed to believe that a girl that hot sits around playing games all day, the only games she's playing all involve dollar bills and a strip poll...I'm just saying!

3) Shitty Graphics:

Yeah, yeah, I know, I'm still crying about this topic, but damn it, if I have look at something for 30 plus hours I want that something looking good. Why would anyone want to sit and stare at shit all day when they could be looking at something pretty?

To me, this is more of a generational issue than anything else. Kids today, all look back at Super Mario Bros., or Legend of Zelda on the NES System and try and make the lame ass argument that graphics don't matter, it's all about gameplay. This is coming from a wrong perspective, looking back on it, in hindsight, is one thing, but having lived through it is totally another. Going from Pong to Super Mario was HUGE at the time, the graphic of Legend of Zelda were in fact the Unreal Engine of today, does anyone honestly believe that Mario and or Zelda would have had the same level of greatness on the Atari 2600? I think not - debate closed!

4) A Very Anal Looking Dashboard:

A dashboard update much like what Microsoft did with the 360 would go a long, long way to give the system a well deserved kick in the slacks. I'm not saying that it would sell systems, but for the long time user, it would mean a lot.

Every interface can and should be always updated to become more and more user friendly.

5) Fucking Old People:

I'm just going to let the photo speak for me...