Why The 3DS is A Piece of Ass:

Why The 3DS Is A Basket of Ass:

1) A Lack of Real System Colors:

I get that it is the first run and multi colors only happen when the sales start to decline, but damn it, the promotional red 3DS looks pretty sweet! I will, however, give Nintendo some credit, at least they didn't go with the traditional White/Black/Silver failsafes. Do you understand just how many things I own that happen to be in some combination of one or more of those three colors? It is annoying! Instead, Nintendo goes with black, and I don't even know what color that blue is, but at least it's not white or silver...

2) The 3D Is In No Way A Game Changer...

Let us all be honest here, people aren't turning off the 3D effect because of headaches (at least not initially), they are turning it off simply because it's stupid! Don't get me wrong, it is cute to a point, but that point has very little to do with actual gameplay. The 3D would be better served as a story telling device for animation rather than trying to play an action game with it. If you are online trying to beat someone, the 3D effect is more distracting than an actual help.

I am willing to see if newer games can improve the overall 3D, but I'm not holding my breath. The effect is somewhat fun in Super Street Fighter 4 but almost worthless in Nintendogs, so I really have mixed feelings about it.

3) The 3D Cameras Are Less Than Shit:

I owned a 3D camera once, and it could take real 3D images that could be printed out, not blurry ass images that can only be seen on shitty wannabe cameras. Even as normal 2D camera, these are total ass. Sure, you are buying a game system, not a photography shop, but still...really? These cameras are just bad, horrible would be a better word. The pictures are grainy and dull, even in the best light possible, they are still pretty sucky.

4) Half The Main Features Aren't Even Available Yet:

I'm sorry, but the system itself (as a stand alone), is pretty boring. There is no web browser yet, no game download feature yet...no real point yet! We are talking about a $250 system that doesn't do much at all, and its main attraction (read: 3D), is mostly being turned off due to health issues. Honestly, at this point, I'd recommend buyers go pick up the DSi or the DSi XL if they haven't already. As far a features go, the 3DS is a major step down from the DSi. Yeah, we all know that features are on the way...*stops, looks down at my wrist to a watch that I'm not even wearing...* take your time here Nintendo...

5) The Launch Titles Suck:

This isn't a Nintendo only thing here, all launches have shitty starter titles. It's like saying that the sky is blue, it's just a give-in that the first generation of game on any new system will suck. See, game companies have to have crap-fests for their launch line-ups, that is their job and it's the job of people like me to bitch about it; it's the circle of life. If this trend did not exist, then the very fabric of reality would simply cease to exist.

The 3DS has an okay (at best), launch 'window,' (read: the first 3-4 months after the release date), but the actual launch titles on day one, completely blow!

6) The Stylus Blows Too...

I really hate this new stylus. The original DS stylus was passable, but my personal favorite has to be that bulky motherfucker that came with the DSi XL, I love that bad boy! For the record, I really hate typing out the word "stylus," I don't know why, but it's an annoying word to spell and quite honestly gives me the shits!

7) The Sound is Shit:

The sound is borderline passable in game, but if you want to listen to actual music, it's very low and can't be turned up any more. I haven't tried it with ear buds yet, I'm sure it's fine with them.

8) Some Basics I haven't Figured Out Yet...

This sort of harkens back to number 4, but damn it, there are basic things I can't figure out. There are simple things that I just don't know how to do yet, like how to delete that stupid ass free 3D video that came with the last system update. Now I don't know if these basics are just hidden from me and I have to do some poking around to find them (like system update, you have search for it to find it), or are these features simply not unlocked yet, and will they be with a future system update? It's bullshit either way, it makes the system feel rushed and not well thought out!

9) A Lack of A Wrist Strap:

Nothing floats my fuck more than NOT having the little loop-de-loops built into the system to add on a wrist strap. See, I have this little Link figure from Minish Cap, that I really enjoy having hanging off my original DS system, and I want the same for the 3DS too. I just don't understand why Nintendo has to mess with my danglers for? They did this with the XL too and it really threw me down a flight a stairs.

10) It Just launched And It's Already Out of Date:

As a HUGE iPad fan, I have to say that between the overall price, shitty games and the tiny bullshit screens, the 3DS just is NOT a good buy right now. Nintendo have lost the magic, because there used to be some fun and grander about buying a Nintendo title. That has been replaced with a cut-n-paste version of game making where they pretty much don't makes games any more they just makes ports. Now don't get me wrong, we all know that Zelda and Star Fox will in fact be updated ports, I'm not talking about that, I am however talking about games like Nintendogs, Animal Crossing, Advance Wars, and many others of the like. Let's be honest, if you've played one, you've pretty much played them all.

Now, don't misunderstand me here, all sequels are like that, but there used to be a time when each Nintendo game felt different, those days seem to be over. Take games like Zelda OOT and Zelda MM, they are both the same game, off the same game engine and they mostly look the same, but yet they are both totally different games with different feels to them. Now compare that to all the Advance War games, other than story, not much is different. How about how lackluster each installment of Animal Crossing is becoming?

I'm just getting tired of buying the same gamer over and over again simply because a new system is out. It's like New system (though I'm even starting to question that), same game. I'm not asking for a total reinventing of every game every time but the half ass updates of Animal Crossing Wii and Nintendogs and cats from their previous installments...let me be honest, I've gotten far better game updates on the iPad for free games than I have for $40-$50 from Nintendo. It's just very sad! The system, from screen size to graphics is already obsolete, and it just launched!