It was the day my mother died, now I understand that my life is a cosmic joke, I get that! I really do! I’m not one of these 15 year old, self-absorbed kids that think because their girlfriend/boyfriend dumped them that they need to go out and write poetry and talk about how bad life sucks, fact is, life doesn’t suck, just the other people in it who cause you grief are the ones that actually suck! So please understand where I’m coming from here, it’s just not every day that some you care about runs off with a guy named dannl the Jewish dentist who’s last name means to “stifle!” Believe me, I’ve been stifled my whole life, you’d think I’d be used to it by now!
Anyway, as I was saying, the latest bout of issues stems from the death of the old woman. I just admitted that my life is nothing more than a cosmic joke for God and Satan to sit around, all shit faced like the King from Burger King just trying to find ways to jag my ass. I understand my role in their earthly skits and their amusements. Because of this, I see the death of the old woman, being another one of those deals, where it was agreed upon by the two watchers/jaggers to try and toss a monkey wrench into my life and see how I react; well this next story is my reaction, so enjoy!
I’m starting to view my own life as one of those Disney amusement park rides, the ones where you go from start to finish and it tells a story. Like the Pirates of the Caribbean Ride, but instead of at the end, you wont find good old Johnny Depp reprising his role as Jack Sparrow sitting gaily over his thrown, instead you see, well…the BK King smiling all shit faced holding out a Whooper for you!
I picture the whole thing much like this, think of a cartoon or a well told story where the Grim Reaper stops by, but the only ones that can see him are the dogs and the lowly retarded boy who is sitting idly in the corner drooling. Yes, we are the only two who can see him, for am I the retarded boy in sitting in the corner. The dogs start barking, then whining, then whimpering, all I can do is simply grunt and point as this huge massive 8 foot tall harbinger of Death as he enters the room and stands over behind Dale T as he sits in the living room chair playing and cracking his own nuts with delight.
Unaware of who has just entered into the room, Dale T just sits there enjoying his nuts fidgeting and every now and then he’ll crack one open and yell out, “Hey woman look, it’s rotten in side!” then proceed to eat it anyway. Nut after mixed nut is being cracked open, each one going to his sprightly little lips so that his buckteeth can gnaw away at the nutty goodness inside each half shell.
As the Grim Reaper rears back his sickle ready to deliver the death blow to Dale T…See back in the day (sorry for the flash back here folks), Jean and my mother would laugh and have a grand time planning their futures when Dale T was gone, most times however Dale T would be sitting at the family holiday dinner table when this talk would commence. There were going to be no trips to Florida for Dale T in his near future. They had it all planed out where the two of them would retire off too, they would be taking me and the dogs as well, yet there sat Dale T all forlorn and feeling excluded from the future. I truly do believe it is now Dale T’s time at deaths door, I feel it coming, so as I sit there with drool running down my chin, I can’t help but be somewhat excited about the prospect of moving to Florida.
All I can do is point and grunt, as Dale T looks over and says, “What? Yew wanna nut too boy?” and with that he belts one over at my head with all his might, hitting me in the face for all he’s worth, just then as the sickle is about the make contact, Dale T spots something strange on the hair of the knuckle of his left big toe and he bends down to investigate it. The mighty sickle swing wildly and misses his head by mere inches only to cause an over swing and strike the old woman sitting next to him, dead!
This is how I see the cosmic joke (on me) being played out; it should be my mother and I in Florida, not me and Dale T and his over use of stupidity guiding us through life! I don’t want to sound harsh, were some just suggest that I’m wishing him ill. It’s not like that at all, it was just time for Dale T to go away, it should have been his time to be “singin’ wit’ de angles” if you know what I mean? He wouldn’t have to play his stupid “angle tape” no more, for in fact he would be right there with them. Singin’ in the stars as it were. Instead an unfortunate chain of events swung the Reapers death toll the other way around, and down the old woman went! Boom! “Outta Here!” like a light, within weeks of Christmas of ’05, nothing has been the same since! This is where it all began…
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